KEEPING YOUR MARRIAGE ‘GRASS' GREEN – FOUR GREAT TIPS

Have you ever looked at another married couple and said to yourself, "Why can't my marriage be as perfect at theirs?" The adage that goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" can most certainly be applied to marriages. Sincerely speaking, there are many times I have been guilty of looking at and admiring other marriages other than my own. The question is, how do I stop peering over the fence?  Is there a way to make the grass in my marriage grow and flourish to the point where others are learning from it?

Coming up are my thoughts on how to build your marriage ‘grass.'

1. Plant the best grass on your lawn

Gardening gurus will tell you that to get the best lawn, you must select the correct variety of grass for your region. Other factors to consider are the soil, availability of water and the climate. You also need to plant the grass correctly so that it grows in the right pattern.

In the same way, get the best grass for your marriage lawn. Choose the right partner to walk with you on your journey, a person with whom you will make a great team. Don't just marry anybody because you are getting older, or you are under pressure from your family. Remember, you have to live with this person for the rest of your life. If you are not in agreement from the beginning, your marriage grass will not grow!

Ecclesiastes 4:9 "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed." (NLT)

2. Nurture your grass

Once you plant the grass, you have to take care of it. A little fertilizer and spray here and there, as well as lots of water,  will give you the desired result – the perfect lawn that is the envy of your neighbors.

The marriage grass also needs lots of care. Don't assume that once you ‘hook' a life partner, you can relax and leave everything to work itself out. On the contrary, as soon as you are pronounced husband and wife, the real work begins. The regular dates you had while getting to know each other now become a necessity as you seek to build your intimacy.

God's intention is for the married couple to become one. If you truly want to be the married couple that God intends you to be, put in the work. Nurture that grass!

Ephesians 5:31 "As the Scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'" (NLT)

3. Weed your grass

After the grass has grown and looks nice and green, many people forget that it needs weeding. Weeds aggressively destroy a lawn by taking up space and nutrients that are meant for the grass. The result? A horrible- looking lawn!

There are many things inside and outside your marriage that can destroy it within a short time. One partner may have issues with selfishness, envy, and unrealistic expectations. The other partner may have a challenge with boundaries in relationships outside the marriage. You must be on the lookout for the little bugs that can chew into your marriage. Once you identify them, get rid of them before they do any damage!

Song of Songs 2:15 "Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!" (NLT)

The little foxes will always turn up when you least expect them. Be on your guard.

4. Love your grass

Caring for a lawn is a full-time job. It needs to be trimmed, replanted, sprayed and watered often. Tending to a lawn is hard work, but the result is well worth the investment.

Do you consider your marriage to be an investment? How valuable is it to you? Are you prepared to put in the time and effort to learn your partner and build your relationship? The marriage relationship needs constant nurturing so that it can grow. If it remains dormant, both partners will feel suffocated, and it will die.

The writer of Hebrews puts his view of marriage forth in this verse:

Hebrews 13:4a "Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage." (NLT)

Let us commit to honoring our marriages by remaining faithful to one another, as God requires of us.

Are you now more equipped to tend your marriage ‘grass'? Great! Keep it looking fresh, inviting and green, and soon people out there will be wishing they had a marriage like yours!

Missed our last reflection? Here it is!marriage-is-truly-act-of-faith.html

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MARRIAGE IS TRULY AN ACT OF FAITH!

To many of us, faith and marriage are worlds apart. After all, to get married, you only need to be in love, right? This past week I have been going through Hebrews 11, and I realized that faith is crucial in the marriage relationship. Take a look at what I discovered below!

1. You need to have faith that your marriage will work

Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (NIV)

There is no way of foreseeing how things will be in your marriage six months after the wedding. The two of you have come from different backgrounds, and you probably have very different worldviews. Also, you will face many tests over the years, tests that may even threaten your relationship.

That is where faith comes in.  God, being the author of true faith, is the best person to ask for help in making your marriage work. The marriage relationship is important to God, and as such, if you ask for his help, he will gladly give it to you. Let him take charge of what lies ahead in your marriage, both expected and unexpected.

2. You need to give God his rightful place in your marriage

Here is the thing – many couples do not realize how much they need God in their marriages until the tough times come knocking. Isn't it easier to involve him from the very beginning?

Hebrews 11:6b "Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him." (NLT)

God is always ready to help us out when things get tough, on condition that we believe in him. We must have confidence that he can do what he has promised in his word. Place God at the centre of your marriage, believe in him, and he will be there for you every step of the way.

3. You need to have faith that your children will be blessed

Getting children is one thing, making sure they excel in their lives is another. In Hebrews 11, when Isaac blessed his children, he did so out of faith that God would hear him and answer his prayers for them.

Hebrews 11:20 "It was by faith that Isaac promised blessings for the future to his sons, Jacob and Esau." (NLT)

Jacob did the same for his grandsons, Joseph's sons;

Hebrews 11:21 "It was by faith that Jacob when he was old and dying, blessed each of Joseph's sons and bowed in worship as he leaned on his staff." (NLT)

How are children and faith tied together? Simple. You need to believe that God will give you children. You also need to have faith that God will show you how to bring them up well. As you pray for your kids, believe that God will bless them in all that they do, for all the days of their lives.

4. You need to have faith that God has a plan for your marriage

You and your spouse may have a plan for your marriage, but there will be times when things do not go according to plan. In such situations, remember that God has a plan for you, and everything concerning you is important to him.

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" (NLT)

Marriages go through high and low seasons, and there will be moments when you both feel like you are losing direction. Have faith in God's plan for your marriage, and involve him in all your decisions.

Bidding your single life goodbye and starting life with a complete stranger takes lots of faith. There are no assurances that things will always work out for both of you. Place God, the author of faith at the centre of your marriage, and you will be assured of his help throughout the journey. All the best!

Missed our last reflection? Here it is -four-things-i-wish-i-was-told-during premarital counseling

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FOUR THINGS I WISH I WAS TOLD DURING PREMARITAL COUNSELLING

Don't get me wrong. Premarital counselling is critical in preparing a couple for marriage. There are, however, some things I found out about marriage that I wished I had known way before I dived in. Here they are:

1. Couples Do Not Gel Immediately

This verse from Genesis, quoted at many weddings, often gives couples the impression that once they are married, the process of becoming one happens quickly.

Geneses 2:24 "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (NLT)

It is very true that husband and wife become one, but it takes time and lots of work. Without God's help and guidance, building a lifetime bond is quite an uphill task. My advice to you who are starting out – take each day at a time. Be patient with each other as you learn more about one another. Give yourselves time to grow in your relationship.

2. Building a Home Takes Time and Teamwork

Think about this – you are two different people with different backgrounds, upbringing, and experiences. As it is, your styles for making the bed and pressing the toothpaste tube are worlds apart! It, therefore, follows that your ideas of building a home will be completely different. If you want your home to succeed, however, you must agree on the way forward, and give yourselves time to achieve your goals.

Amos 3:3 "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" (NLT)

To all couples – just because you're in love doesn't mean that you will agree on everything. Sometimes you will disagree, especially on important issues. In such situations, one person may have to back off for the sake of peace. Even if you feel like you are right and you know better, take a step back and pray about the issue. God always works things out.

3. Marriages Go Through Several Rough Patches

There will be days you do not want to see your spouse because of something he or she has done. There will be seasons when you are both too busy with work and the children to spend time together.  There will also be periods of illness and incapacitation in your immediate and extended family. Do you walk away when these seasons come along?

Personally, I knew that marriage life would not always be rosy, but some of the things we have gone through as a married couple were entirely unexpected and very difficult. Couples out there, I would advise that you work on your relationship so that it is strong enough to withstand the rough patches. Be there for your spouse when everyone else walks away. Stand together and support each other through the tough times.

4. Children Change Everything

Psalm 127:3 "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from hm." (NLT)

I can testify that kids are a gift from above, and without them, my life would be empty. Their arrival, however, changed my marriage completely.  Couples out there – don't imagine that your lives will remain the same after the kids come. These adorable little beings will take over your lives in ways you would never have imagined.

There is good news, though. As parents, God gives you the task of bringing up these kids in his ways and preparing them for the rough life out there. Working together with your spouse to achieve this goal will grow your relationship. Kids have a way of making us view life differently, and teaching us how to think beyond ourselves. Invest in them while they're still in your house, as you create time for yourselves in between the mad rush. Yes, children do change everything in a marriage, but for the better!

Couples, attend those premarital classes – they are crucial. Remember, though, that if something happens in your marriage that you weren't told about in class, God will help you to handle it. Rely on him for the success of your marriage. All the best!

Missed last week's reflection? Here it is -Am I confident I will leave a legacy

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