Sunday 26 March 2017

REALITY CHECK – A LOOK AT MARRIAGE MYTHS

Marriage is a beautiful thing that God created for men and women to enjoy. There is lots of ignorance surrounding our understanding of marriage, hence my decision to do a few posts on the topic.

I recently had a chat with a good friend who has been married a bit longer than I have, and she gave me this list of marriage myths. Before we jump into them, though, let's look at one foundational verse on marriage from the Bible.

Ephesians 5:31 "As the Scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'" (NLT)

The two are united into one – what a mystery!

Myth no.1 – The Honeymoon lasts forever

That lovey-dovey feeling that you have on the wedding day and shortly after does last, yes, but only for a while. Once you discover your spouse's real self, the conflicts begin. Remember, you come from different families, backgrounds and have varying levels of education. It will, therefore, take time for you to bond and become one.

So what will keep you together when the love isn't flowing as it used to?

Ephesians 5:25 "For husbands, this means you love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave his life for her…" (NLT)

Men, keep loving your wives just as Christ has commanded you to.

Colossians 3:18 "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting to those who belong to the Lord." (NLT)

Ladies, please don't try to control your spouse. Submit to him out of love. Just a little tip – your husband is more likely to give in to your desires when you let him take charge.

Myth No. 2 – You can change your spouse

The only person who can change your mate is the creator, God. There are things you will discover about each other only after you are married and living together. Don't try and fix someone who doesn't see the need to be fixed. Talk to God, and let him do the fixing. Note that in the process of changing your spouse, God will change you as well!

Myth No. 3 – The woman's life ends once she gets married

Truthfully speaking, the woman gives up a lot to make a marriage work. She's the one who has the babies, makes career changes so that she has time with the children, organizes the home, and does so much more. Now here's the thing – the woman's life does not have to stop.  A supportive husband should encourage his wife to follow her dreams, build her career and spend time with her close friends. Women should not lose themselves in marriage; rather the marriage should inspire them to grow.

Myth No. 4 – "Me Time" is no longer necessary

This myth is an interesting one. Before you got married, you took time alone to pray, recharge and reflect. Why, then, do you feel like you don't need ‘me time' when you are married. Do you imagine that every waking moment should be spent with your spouse?
Give each other some space! Understand each other's desire for personal time and space occasionally. Giving your spouse the opportunity to spend time alone works to the advantage of the relationship.

Myth No. 5 – Marriages never change

People change as they age. It, therefore, follows that marriage relationships should also change with time. Priorities change when the children come, as spouses change jobs, and when issues with the extended family come up. Don't keep looking back to how your marriage was at the beginning, instead embrace the changes in your relationship positively. Your marriage will go through various stages of growth, as well as different seasons. Take each season as an opportunity for your relationship to grow.

Myth No. 6 – It's very easy to call it quits

Is it that easy to walk out of a relationship that you have invested in? Ask any individual who is going through a separation or divorce, and he or she will tell you it's a painful process. Rather than call it quits, fight for your marriage. Seek God's wisdom on how to make you a better husband or wife. Keep the communication lines open. Most importantly, don't keep a scorecard of your spouse's wrongs. Let peace, love, and forgiveness rule your marriage. When all else fails, go for counseling. It's easier to stay and fight than to walk away and regret not having tried all you could to preserve your union.

Myth No. 7 – There is equality in marriage.

I have bad news for you – there is no equality in marriage. Someone has to lead, and that someone is the man. This hierarchy is according to God's plan, as marriage is a mirror of Christ's relationship with the church. Should women feel inferior in a marriage? No, they shouldn't! Although the man is the head of the home, he must honor his wife. She is his partner in life's journey, and without her, the home cannot hold together. Husbands must respect their wives. If they don't, God will not answer their prayers.

1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."  (NIV)

Let's conclude this list of marriage myths with a verse that holds true for many successful marriages.

Proverbs 18:22 "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD." (NLT)

If you're not married, now you are armed with the right information about marriage. If you are already married, kick out the myths that are in the process of destroying your relationship.

All the best in the week ahead!


Missed last week's reflection? Here it is - Why isn't my marriage working?

Are you interested in a different topic? Check this out - Are we condemned to bad leadership?


Sunday 19 March 2017

WHY ISN'T MY MARRIAGE WORKING THE WAY I WANT IT TO?

Marriage is one thing that baffles many people. The complexities of how two completely different individuals come together to form a family unit is a mystery even for those already married. Sadly, many marriages are collapsing, and several people want out.

If your marriage is going through a bumpy patch, it may be a good idea to look at the foundations you both laid at the beginning.


What constitutes a good foundation for marriage? Look at the ideas below.

1. Put God at the center, and keep him there.

Marriage is God's idea. He noted that Adam needed a helper, and went ahead to make one for him.

Geneses 2:22 "Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man." (NLT)

When Adam saw the woman, he was overjoyed! God loved him enough to make the perfect companion for him. Adam had no idea that he needed the woman until he saw her. Marriage was entirely God's idea then and remains so to this day.

Keep God at the center of your marriage. Remember that he is the one who brought you together and the only one who can keep you together. Pray together as you seek God's guidance for every decision. When you're mad at each other, ask God for help as you reconcile. Most importantly, ask God to help you love your spouse even when he or she is at their worst.

Do you feel like this is a tall order? God will give you the grace and strength you need to make your marriage work, as long as you keep him at the center.

2. Shared Values

At some point, the lovey-dovey feeling wears off. There will be seasons when you ask yourself if there is more to marriage then than love. During courtship, it is important to identify shared values that will sustain your relationship during hard times. Some of these values include faith in God, integrity, and honesty.

Amos 3:3 "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" (NLT)

If both of you do not agree on something as important as values, it is unlikely your union will survive. Shared values are what hold relationships together.

3. Common Goals

Marriage is a journey, an exciting journey where two people are walking together in the same direction. It's important for both spouses to agree on what they want to achieve as a couple. Examples would be starting a family, making investments, and helping the extended family. Focusing on the achievement of these shared goals will keep you together for a long time.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed."(NLT)

Key words here– they can help each other succeed. Your spouse should be your biggest cheerleader. Stories are told of husbands who have educated their wives, and wives who have motivated their husbands to excel in the workplace. Identify your common goals, and work hard to achieve them.

The success of every marriage depends entirely on God. Are you prepared to invest in your marriage to make it succeed, and to let God make you into the wife or husband that he desires you to be? Can you honestly say God is in charge of your marriage?

Have a blissful week, as you focus on improving your marriage. All the best!

Did you miss last week's reflection? Here you go -Are we condemned to bad leadership?

Interested in a different topic? Look at this one - Setting a good example


Sunday 12 March 2017

ARE WE CONDEMNED TO BAD LEADERSHIP?

Today's reflection starts with a personal vent. I am tired of the way this country's leadership is treating its citizens. People are starving, and those who have access to food can barely afford it. Clean drinking water is a luxury in arid areas, yet it is a basic need for survival. The culture of selfishness is deeply entrenched in our government, rather than the culture of service and selflessness. Think about it – why do you have to pay a bribe to get a basic service?

Why am I venting? I'm venting because the people ‘up there' are not affected by drought, water shortages, cost of living, joblessness, poor market conditions and lack of health services. They do not feel the pinch at all!

Dear Church of Christ, we have two choices. We can sit back and watch our country go to the dogs, or start praying for our leaders. God is waiting for us to call on him to change things in our government.

Hold on - why should we pray for our leaders?

1 Timothy 2: 2 "Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity." (NLT)

If we pray for our leaders, they will do things the RIGHT way, and we can all live in peace!


So, what should we pray for?

1. Pray for God to guide the hearts of our leaders.

Proverbs 21:1 "The king's heart is like a stream of water directed by the LORD; he guides it wherever he pleases." (NLT)

Although God has the power to control the hearts of our leaders, he requires that we pray and ask him to do so. Get on your knees and pray for God's will to prevail in the actions of the leaders around you.

2. Pray for the leaders to submit to God.

Every leader must recognize that God put them in power. The guiding verse for every leader should be;

John 3:30 "He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less. " (NLT)

If you listen to some of the leaders' utterances carefully, you will note that they are full of themselves. Pray for each one to remember where they started from, to acknowledge who put them in power, and to look to God for guidance as they lead.

3. Pray that our leaders treat us the way they want to be treated.

Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would like them to do to you." (NLT)

Many leaders forget that they cannot lead forever and that they will one day go back to regular status. Every leader must, therefore, treat those under him with the respect that they deserve. Note that leaders who treat their people well are spoken of fondly and treated with respect even when they are no longer in leadership.

4. Pray for our leaders to rule justly.

Proverbs 16:12 "A king detests wrongdoing, for his rule is built on justice." (NLT)

If you firmly believe that our country is not founded on justice, pray. Pray for our leaders to gather the guts to stand up to injustices and fight for what is right. Also, pray that those in influential positions will say no to corruption. Pray for our leaders to set an example of integrity for the rest of the nation, no matter what it takes.

Proverbs 29:4 "A just king gives stability to his nation, but one who demands bribes destroys it."  (NLT)

Pray for the restoration of justice and righteousness within our leadership.

5. Pray for wise leaders.

Every leader needs wisdom to make decisions that are in the best interests of the citizens. God's wisdom is, therefore, something that every leader should desire. Pray for our leaders to realize that they need God's wisdom to help them succeed in their endeavors.

Proverbs 11:14 "Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers." (NLT)

Do not forget to pray for the people who surround your leaders; the ones they turn to for advice.


Back to the title – are we condemned to bad leadership? Yes, we are, if we do not do anything about it. If you are already in leadership, the points above will show you how to be a leader who pleases God. If you are an ordinary person like me who believes in the power of prayer, get on your knees and pray for your leaders. 

The future of this country lies in our hands.

Did you miss last week's reflection? Here it is - It's time to grow up!

Interested in reading about something else? Check this out - Life Lessons from the Ant

Sunday 5 March 2017

IT'S TIME TO GROW UP!

It is interesting to watch a seed grow into a plant. Once the seed is put into the ground, natural processes take over, and it begins its transformation. This process cannot be stopped, as that is what God created the seed for – to grow.

So, following the example of the seed, the Christian is also expected to grow. Remaining in the same place and doing the same things you were doing a few years ago is not what God intended for you.

So how does the Christian grow?

a. Germination

Once the seed of faith in Christ is planted in your heart, it must be watered so that it can grow. This seed must be watered regularly, and fed with the right nutrients to speed up its growth.

1 Peter 2:2 "Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation…" (NLT)

What is this pure spiritual milk? This pure milk is the word of God, which one must feed on daily to grow in the faith. The Bible is God's manual for the Christian life, with detailed instructions on how to live as a Christian.

Psalm 1:2 "But they delight in the law of the LORD, meditating on it day and night." (NLT)

Do you want to move past the stage of a young Christian? Read the word, pray, and join a Bible-believing fellowship. 

b. Development

After germination takes place, tiny green shoots sprout, looking for sunlight to speed up their growth. Without the necessary ingredients for growth, it will die.

It is at this point that several Christians give up on their faith. The distractions of the world prove to be very enticing and overwhelming, causing many to fall away. 

1 Samuel 3:19 "As Samuel grew up, the LORD was with him, and everything Samuel said proved to be reliable."(NLT)

Samuel was a young man growing up at a time when nobody cared much about the Lord, just like the present day. He however stuck to his faith, and God rewarded him by establishing him as a prophet well respected by the people.

Like Samuel, you must decide whether you want to live for the Lord. Resolve to grow in your faith and to develop your relationship with God.

Hebrews 6:1a "So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding. "(NLT)

It is time to move past the simple teachings that thrilled you as a new believer. It is time to learn more about God – how he thinks, what pleases him, and how to live for his glory. You may lose some friends at this point, but do not worry. God will give you others who share your desire to learn more about Christ. More importantly, he will walk beside you all through.

Psalm 138:8 "The LORD will work out his plans for my life – for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me." (NLT)

c. Maturity

The tiny little seed is now a fully-grown plant, ready to produce fruit. The growth journey has been quite long, but the little plant did not give up. All it needed was water, sunlight and a little fertilizer to keep it going.

A mature Christian is one who is no longer debating about following Christ. This kind of Christian now focuses on how he or she can draw people to Christ. Reading the Word, prayer, and fellowship is as important at this point as before. Note that the mature Christian must focus on, and balance between Christian growth and bearing fruit.

 Philippians 4:8 "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing.fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." (NLT)

The apostle Paul gives the tips above to Christians who are faced with attacks from the world daily, and need to focus on Christ to gain victory. Think about it – if one focuses on all the things listed in the verse above, there will be nothing else to think about!

John 15:8 "When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father. "(NLT)

The Christian who is deeply rooted in the faith attracts people to Christ. That's the kind of fruit God wants.

Once the seed has germinated, grown and borne fruit, it dies. For the Christian, however, the growth process is continuous. Stay focused on Christ, and rely on him to help you keep growing him through the seasons of your life. He is faithful and will complete the work he has started in you.

Philippians 1:6 "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (NLT)



Missed out on last week's reflection? Here it is - Wanjiku's Cry Continues

Would you like to read something else? Check this out - The Importance of Excellence