A DOSE OF ENCOURAGEMENT FROM MY HEART TO YOURS

Honestly speaking, the journey of the Christian is not all fun and games. Sometimes you will just want to put your head under a pillow and cry your heart out, and other times you will wonder whether God has given you a blackout!

I have recently gone through a challenging period, and during this time, God spoke to me in his own way, at his own pace. It has not been an easy ride, but I have learned that God is always close by, even when I don't feel His presence.

Below are a few verses that have gotten me through this tough period. I hope and pray that these words will encourage you in your journey.

1. Are you facing a situation that seems too big for you to handle? A giant-sized problem, perhaps?

Psalm 118:6-7 "The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? Yes, the LORD is for me, he will help me. I will look in triumph at those who hate me." (NLT)

2. If you are going through a period of darkness where you cannot see any light ahead, this verse will encourage you.

Psalm 27:1 "The LORD is my light and my salvation – so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?" (NLT)

Jesus is your light in the darkness, and he will protect you, just as a fortress protects one against the enemy!

3. Perhaps you are too scared to sleep at night, and you fear what the night has in store for you?

Psalm 4:8 "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety." (NIV)

4. Do you feel like God is far, far away, and that he cannot hear your cries? Do you know that if you keep on looking for him, you will find him in all his fullness?

Jeremiah 29:13 "If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me." (NLT)

Keep on looking for him; he is right there waiting for you to find him.

5. Discouraged? Weak? We have all been there, right? The point where your heart is tired, and you don't have the strength to trust – is the point where God steps in.

Psalm 73:26 "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." (NLT)

6. Sometimes I feel confused, and I wonder who around me has the right answer. During such periods, it is difficult to hear God's voice, isn't it?

2 Samuel 22:31 "God's way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection."(NLT)

Focusing on HIS promises always sets me back on track, and points me in the right direction. After all, these promises come from our faithful God!

7. Help! Help! Where do I get help when I need it so desperately?

Psalm 121:1-2 "I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." (NIV)

My help comes from the LORD, the one who made heaven and earth!!! How encouraging!

I hope that the verses I have shared above will encourage you not to lose faith in God even in the hard times.  I pray that when you finally get out of the rough patch (and you will), these words from Psalms will be on your lips.

Psalms 13:5-6 "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD's praise, for he has been good to me." (NIV)

Missed our last reflection? Here it is - LOOKING FOR THE ‘RIGHT' ONE?

Another topic, perhaps? WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE?

LOOKING FOR THE ‘RIGHT' ONE? 4 QUICK TIPS TO HELP YOU CHOOSE!

The biggest question on the minds of many young singles is – how do I know this is the right person for me to marry? How do I know that things will work out between us? If I don't marry this person, will I regret my decision forever?

Here are a few tips that I thought might help singles out there make the right decision.

1.       Pray about it

Choosing a marriage partner is a major decision, and as such, it is important to involve God. He created you with an excellent plan for your life, and for most of us, marriage is part of that plan. Pray before you start ‘hunting,' during the dating process, and when you finally zero in on a particular person.

The following verse from Psalms is a favorite of mine – I always turn to it when I need to make a crucial decision.

Psalm 37:5 "Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you." (NLT)

Dear single, there is nothing wrong with telling God that you want to get married, and the kind of person you would like for a life partner.  Let him know the desires of your heart, and guide you through the process.

2.       Listen to wise counsel

Now – listening to wise counsel is not easy when you are smitten. Nobody wants to hear anything negative about the person who has swept them off their feet. The truth is, however, you need to be objective about the person you are in a relationship with, and about the realities of your relationship. For example, if there is something in your partner's past that affects your present relationship, wouldn't you like to deal with it now?

Proverbs 19:20 "Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life." (NLT)

Get advice from your friends who have been married for a while. You can also identify someone who is older than you who is open and honest about the realities of relationships – an older married friend/ couple, a mature aunt/uncle, or even your pastor. Keep an open mind every time you ask for advice. As I said before, you may not like what you hear, but it will help you in the end.

Therefore – if you ask someone to ‘rate' the person you are dating, and to give advice as to whether the person is a keeper, don't trash the answer if it is negative. Seek to investigate the reasons behind the other person's views. If the response is positive, though, you are good to go!

3.       Keep your eyes and ears open

Okay – I do not mean you spy on the person you are dating. You do, however, need to be ready to spot inconsistencies in behavior and actions. If you are currently seeing someone that you hope to marry, there should be no secrets between you. This person should also be happy to introduce you to family and close friends and take you along when he or she is invited to a function.

Be on your guard if you notice many hushed phone calls, a reluctance to be seen with you in public, or an unexplained level of secrecy. Ask questions where you need to – the answers will guide you to whether this is the person to spend the rest of your life with.

Just a note, though. People who are madly in love rarely want to accept the truth about their significant others. Try your best to remain objective when making your observations.

4.       Take your time

There is no race to get married. Ignore the snide remarks from friends, relatives, and colleagues about your delay in making a decision on a life partner. If you make the wrong choice, it is you, not them who will be stuck with it the rest of your life.

Be patient, therefore, as you look for a spouse. Don't be in a hurry to specialize; instead get to meet different people at social and work-related functions. Maintain your integrity and don't compromise on your values, as people will be watching you as they try to catch your attention. When you finally start a serious relationship, let it run its course. Have fun, travel, fight, make up, etc. as you get to know one another better.

There is no certain way to know if the person you are relating with is the right one to marry. The few tips above will, however, give you an idea of what to look out for when you get to the point of choosing a partner. All the best!

Missed the last reflection? Here it is - keeping-your-marriage-grass-green

Another topic? can-i-really-do-this

KEEPING YOUR MARRIAGE ‘GRASS' GREEN – FOUR GREAT TIPS

Have you ever looked at another married couple and said to yourself, "Why can't my marriage be as perfect at theirs?" The adage that goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" can most certainly be applied to marriages. Sincerely speaking, there are many times I have been guilty of looking at and admiring other marriages other than my own. The question is, how do I stop peering over the fence?  Is there a way to make the grass in my marriage grow and flourish to the point where others are learning from it?

Coming up are my thoughts on how to build your marriage ‘grass.'

1. Plant the best grass on your lawn

Gardening gurus will tell you that to get the best lawn, you must select the correct variety of grass for your region. Other factors to consider are the soil, availability of water and the climate. You also need to plant the grass correctly so that it grows in the right pattern.

In the same way, get the best grass for your marriage lawn. Choose the right partner to walk with you on your journey, a person with whom you will make a great team. Don't just marry anybody because you are getting older, or you are under pressure from your family. Remember, you have to live with this person for the rest of your life. If you are not in agreement from the beginning, your marriage grass will not grow!

Ecclesiastes 4:9 "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed." (NLT)

2. Nurture your grass

Once you plant the grass, you have to take care of it. A little fertilizer and spray here and there, as well as lots of water,  will give you the desired result – the perfect lawn that is the envy of your neighbors.

The marriage grass also needs lots of care. Don't assume that once you ‘hook' a life partner, you can relax and leave everything to work itself out. On the contrary, as soon as you are pronounced husband and wife, the real work begins. The regular dates you had while getting to know each other now become a necessity as you seek to build your intimacy.

God's intention is for the married couple to become one. If you truly want to be the married couple that God intends you to be, put in the work. Nurture that grass!

Ephesians 5:31 "As the Scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'" (NLT)

3. Weed your grass

After the grass has grown and looks nice and green, many people forget that it needs weeding. Weeds aggressively destroy a lawn by taking up space and nutrients that are meant for the grass. The result? A horrible- looking lawn!

There are many things inside and outside your marriage that can destroy it within a short time. One partner may have issues with selfishness, envy, and unrealistic expectations. The other partner may have a challenge with boundaries in relationships outside the marriage. You must be on the lookout for the little bugs that can chew into your marriage. Once you identify them, get rid of them before they do any damage!

Song of Songs 2:15 "Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!" (NLT)

The little foxes will always turn up when you least expect them. Be on your guard.

4. Love your grass

Caring for a lawn is a full-time job. It needs to be trimmed, replanted, sprayed and watered often. Tending to a lawn is hard work, but the result is well worth the investment.

Do you consider your marriage to be an investment? How valuable is it to you? Are you prepared to put in the time and effort to learn your partner and build your relationship? The marriage relationship needs constant nurturing so that it can grow. If it remains dormant, both partners will feel suffocated, and it will die.

The writer of Hebrews puts his view of marriage forth in this verse:

Hebrews 13:4a "Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage." (NLT)

Let us commit to honoring our marriages by remaining faithful to one another, as God requires of us.

Are you now more equipped to tend your marriage ‘grass'? Great! Keep it looking fresh, inviting and green, and soon people out there will be wishing they had a marriage like yours!

Missed our last reflection? Here it is!marriage-is-truly-act-of-faith.html

Another topic, perhaps? 3-cunning-little-moles-that-ruin marriages

MARRIAGE IS TRULY AN ACT OF FAITH!

To many of us, faith and marriage are worlds apart. After all, to get married, you only need to be in love, right? This past week I have been going through Hebrews 11, and I realized that faith is crucial in the marriage relationship. Take a look at what I discovered below!

1. You need to have faith that your marriage will work

Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (NIV)

There is no way of foreseeing how things will be in your marriage six months after the wedding. The two of you have come from different backgrounds, and you probably have very different worldviews. Also, you will face many tests over the years, tests that may even threaten your relationship.

That is where faith comes in.  God, being the author of true faith, is the best person to ask for help in making your marriage work. The marriage relationship is important to God, and as such, if you ask for his help, he will gladly give it to you. Let him take charge of what lies ahead in your marriage, both expected and unexpected.

2. You need to give God his rightful place in your marriage

Here is the thing – many couples do not realize how much they need God in their marriages until the tough times come knocking. Isn't it easier to involve him from the very beginning?

Hebrews 11:6b "Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him." (NLT)

God is always ready to help us out when things get tough, on condition that we believe in him. We must have confidence that he can do what he has promised in his word. Place God at the centre of your marriage, believe in him, and he will be there for you every step of the way.

3. You need to have faith that your children will be blessed

Getting children is one thing, making sure they excel in their lives is another. In Hebrews 11, when Isaac blessed his children, he did so out of faith that God would hear him and answer his prayers for them.

Hebrews 11:20 "It was by faith that Isaac promised blessings for the future to his sons, Jacob and Esau." (NLT)

Jacob did the same for his grandsons, Joseph's sons;

Hebrews 11:21 "It was by faith that Jacob when he was old and dying, blessed each of Joseph's sons and bowed in worship as he leaned on his staff." (NLT)

How are children and faith tied together? Simple. You need to believe that God will give you children. You also need to have faith that God will show you how to bring them up well. As you pray for your kids, believe that God will bless them in all that they do, for all the days of their lives.

4. You need to have faith that God has a plan for your marriage

You and your spouse may have a plan for your marriage, but there will be times when things do not go according to plan. In such situations, remember that God has a plan for you, and everything concerning you is important to him.

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" (NLT)

Marriages go through high and low seasons, and there will be moments when you both feel like you are losing direction. Have faith in God's plan for your marriage, and involve him in all your decisions.

Bidding your single life goodbye and starting life with a complete stranger takes lots of faith. There are no assurances that things will always work out for both of you. Place God, the author of faith at the centre of your marriage, and you will be assured of his help throughout the journey. All the best!

Missed our last reflection? Here it is -four-things-i-wish-i-was-told-during premarital counseling

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FOUR THINGS I WISH I WAS TOLD DURING PREMARITAL COUNSELLING

Don't get me wrong. Premarital counselling is critical in preparing a couple for marriage. There are, however, some things I found out about marriage that I wished I had known way before I dived in. Here they are:

1. Couples Do Not Gel Immediately

This verse from Genesis, quoted at many weddings, often gives couples the impression that once they are married, the process of becoming one happens quickly.

Geneses 2:24 "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (NLT)

It is very true that husband and wife become one, but it takes time and lots of work. Without God's help and guidance, building a lifetime bond is quite an uphill task. My advice to you who are starting out – take each day at a time. Be patient with each other as you learn more about one another. Give yourselves time to grow in your relationship.

2. Building a Home Takes Time and Teamwork

Think about this – you are two different people with different backgrounds, upbringing, and experiences. As it is, your styles for making the bed and pressing the toothpaste tube are worlds apart! It, therefore, follows that your ideas of building a home will be completely different. If you want your home to succeed, however, you must agree on the way forward, and give yourselves time to achieve your goals.

Amos 3:3 "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" (NLT)

To all couples – just because you're in love doesn't mean that you will agree on everything. Sometimes you will disagree, especially on important issues. In such situations, one person may have to back off for the sake of peace. Even if you feel like you are right and you know better, take a step back and pray about the issue. God always works things out.

3. Marriages Go Through Several Rough Patches

There will be days you do not want to see your spouse because of something he or she has done. There will be seasons when you are both too busy with work and the children to spend time together.  There will also be periods of illness and incapacitation in your immediate and extended family. Do you walk away when these seasons come along?

Personally, I knew that marriage life would not always be rosy, but some of the things we have gone through as a married couple were entirely unexpected and very difficult. Couples out there, I would advise that you work on your relationship so that it is strong enough to withstand the rough patches. Be there for your spouse when everyone else walks away. Stand together and support each other through the tough times.

4. Children Change Everything

Psalm 127:3 "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from hm." (NLT)

I can testify that kids are a gift from above, and without them, my life would be empty. Their arrival, however, changed my marriage completely.  Couples out there – don't imagine that your lives will remain the same after the kids come. These adorable little beings will take over your lives in ways you would never have imagined.

There is good news, though. As parents, God gives you the task of bringing up these kids in his ways and preparing them for the rough life out there. Working together with your spouse to achieve this goal will grow your relationship. Kids have a way of making us view life differently, and teaching us how to think beyond ourselves. Invest in them while they're still in your house, as you create time for yourselves in between the mad rush. Yes, children do change everything in a marriage, but for the better!

Couples, attend those premarital classes – they are crucial. Remember, though, that if something happens in your marriage that you weren't told about in class, God will help you to handle it. Rely on him for the success of your marriage. All the best!

Missed last week's reflection? Here it is -Am I confident I will leave a legacy

Intereted in another topic? Life Lessons from the Ant

AM I CONFIDENT I WILL LEAVE A LEGACY?

The quick answer to this question is yes because everyone leaves a legacy of some kind. The catch is – I do not want to leave this world with nothing positive for people to remember me by. Do you?

Friends, it is possible to begin to build your legacy now, even if you have several years left to live. I've listed the areas I am working on below, and I hope that they will be of help to you.

1. Focusing on God and heavenly things

Our society is completely focused on money and all its trappings. Though it is true that we can't survive without money, money should not rule our lives.  These verses from Luke 12 put this point forward clearly.

Luke 12:20 -21 "But God said to him, ‘You fool! You will die this very night. Then who will get everything you worked for?' Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God" (NLT)

The rich fool thought he had ‘made it' in life because of his wealth, but God reminded him that he should instead have invested in his relationship with God. I wonder –have I invested in my relationship with God? Food for thought.

Matthew 6:20-21 "Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." (NLT)

2. Obedience

I must admit – I have failed miserably in this area. Even the simplest of instructions and commandments are sometimes so hard to follow. Perhaps focusing on the benefits of obedience, as outlined in the following scripture, would help.

Deuteronomy 12:28 "Be careful to obey all my commands, so that all will go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is good and pleasing to the LORD your God." 

(NLT)

My obedience to God will affect the future of those who come after me. That alone is motivation enough to obey him.

3. Doing everything for the Lord

Hang on- does this mean I NEVER get the credit? After all my hard work?

Colossians 3:23 "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the LORD rather than for people. Remember that the LORD will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ." (NLT)

Whenever I am tempted to take the credit for my work, or I feel that nobody appreciates my efforts, I turn to the verse above. It is so encouraging to know that the work we do on earth earns us an inheritance from God himself. This truth gives me added motivation to serve our master, Christ!

4. Finishing this life well

The other day I heard an account of a funeral where the eulogy was just a few sentences long. The person who was being buried had not done much with his life, and so those who had the task of writing his eulogy didn't have much to say.

I always ask myself, what will people say when my time to leave this world comes along? Will they be left thinking of what I should have done, rather than what I did? The verse below is what I hope people will say about my family, my friends, and me once we depart from this world

.

2 Timothy 4:7-8 "I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me – the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing." (NLT)

Friends, my challenge to you is – let's start building our legacies now and aim to finish this race called life honorably, all for God's honor and glory.

Did you miss our last reflection? Here it is - Lift your self-esteem out of the doldrums

Interested in a different topic? More marriage myths

LIFT YOUR SELF ESTEEM OUT OF THE DOLDRUMS

Let's be honest – at some point, each of us has faced low self-esteem. It's perfectly natural to have a season when you don't believe in yourself, but if that feeling persists, you need to deal with it. Low self-esteem is a major relationship killer, which is why I thought of addressing the issue in this post.

How do people fall into the trap of low self-esteem? Simple – because they have allowed a lie propagated by someone else to become real in their lives.  For example, if someone tells me that I am timid and will never be able to handle driving in Nairobi traffic and I believe it, I will never drive in Nairobi traffic on my own.

Coming up is a short list of Bible verses to help you build your self-esteem, and begin to believe in yourself again.

1. Psalm 139:13-14 "You made the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous –how well I know it." (NLT)

Are there people who put you down because of your appearance? Do you often wish you were more beautiful, slimmer, or more intelligent? Well- you shouldn't! God made you the way He intended to, and in his eyes, you are PERFECT. As soon as you begin to believe that you are created perfectly, those around you will believe the same thing!

2. 1 Samuel 16:7b "People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (NLT)

God created you, and therefore knows you better than anyone else. The gift that lies within you is of him, and he has given it to you to use for his glory. Why, then, do you let people around you make you feel like you have nothing to contribute to this world? God knows why he placed you on this earth, and it's up to you to ask him to show you where and how he wants you to use your gifts.

3. Jeremiah 29:11 ‘"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.' (NLT)

Many of us do not recognize how important this verse is. God has plans that are unique to you, different from those of anyone else in the world. The best part is, his plans are designed to give you a future and a hope and to bring good into your life. Don't believe the negative things that people around you are saying about your life. Believe what the Word of God says!

4. Luke 12:7 "And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." (NLT)

God promises to take care of you for all the days of your life because he loves you. Don't worry about what man can do to you, say about you, or think about you. God has your back!

For many years, I grappled with low self-esteem. My turning point came when I decided to believe what God says about me, his beloved child. If you are suffering from low self-esteem, it is time to listen to what God says about you, and believe it with all your heart. As I said above, once you begin to believe in yourself, everyone else will believe in you!

Missed our last reflection? Check it out here ladies-do-you-know-how-to-love? 

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LADIES – DO YOU KNOW HOW TO LOVE?

A few days ago, the term 'wife material' got me thinking – how many women know what to expect before jumping into marriage? Do we truly grasp what it means to love?

Ladies – I know you have an idea of what love is. Let us, however, take a quick look at the biblical view of love in the context of relationships – real love beyond the lovey-dovey and romantic moments.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged." (NLT)

1. Love is patient

Patience is one of those qualities that's hard to cultivate in close relationships. There are many reasons for a woman to be impatient with her man - like the toilet seat always left up, dishes left in the sitting room,  and coming home late. Most of us are naturally impatient because we want everything to go our way. God's expectation, however, is that we show love by being patient with our significant others.

When a marriage begins, both partners have high expectations of each other. The husband and wife expect each other to do things in a certain way. When this does not happen in your relationship, do you walk away? Do you blame God for giving you the wrong person? No! You ask God to grant you the patience to see your partner mature into the person that God intended. Let your love for this man and your patience with him encourage him to grow.

2. Love is not jealous

Let's be honest here – how many of us are in competition with their men? When he comes home late, you hit back by doing the same thing the next day. When he goes out with his buddies, you sulk and don't talk to him for days. Isn't that a sign of jealousy?

Marriage is a partnership. You and your partner are now companions in the journey of life. As such, you share achievements, joys, and sorrows. You also give each other space to grow through interaction with other people. If you support your partner, he will support you. If you show jealousy towards him, he will find someone else to share his successes with.

3. Love does not demand its own way

Selfishness is the reason many marriages don't work out. We are all naturally selfish. It takes God's power to begin to think of someone else as more important than you. God's order of marriage demands that you treat your spouse better than yourself.

Placing someone else at a higher level than you can be a tall order. Think about it this way, though. If you give your man love, concern, and respect daily, he will begin to treat you in the same way. Isn't that what you desired in the first place?

4. Love keeps no record of wrongs

Women are experts at keeping records of all the wrongs done to them since time immemorial. Whenever your spouse hurts you, memories of all the bad things he has ever done (some that he doesn't even remember) come flooding back.

The truth is your spouse will hurt you, many times. You must learn to forgive, forget and let go every time. Ask God for his help to deal with the hurts and to help you forgive. Remember that unforgiveness hurts the person who keeps the bitterness and memories inside their hearts. Love your man therefore by forgiving him every time he does wrong.

There you go – a few characteristics of love in the context of the marriage relationship. Make them part of your everyday routine as you interact with your significant other. Happy loving!

Missed our last reflection? Here it is - singles-lets-talk-about-realities-of marriage